You can always find me
by Myno
Summary: "...but no matter what I told myself, no matter how I reasoned it in my mind, along with that sick strange darkness, was just a little warmth. Just a little of the emotion I've learned as love and because of that, I can't deny it."
1. I miss you

**Hello all!!! This right here is my first Tokyo Ghoul fanfic but it wont be the last, I'm actually planning a multi chapter AU fic for later. Speaking of AUs, I started a TG community thats based on AUs of the the Touken variety! Ooh, I see that got your attention lol. Check it out, its called Touken AU Love, there's a link to it at the end of this story!!!**

 **Enjoy!!! :)**

 ** _-000-_**

I've been staring at the ceiling of my room for the past few hours and it's honestly starting to get a little boring. Today is my day off from school and work so I want to spend it with Yoriko because ever since the fight with Aogiri and the CCG, I haven't been able to get any real free time.

I tell myself that it's because I've been working myself to the bone, but that isn't even close to the truth.

Rolling my seemingly still slumbering body out of my bed, I head to the bathroom and shower. I had already showered the previous night but doing so in the morning is just part of my morning routine. After drying myself off and brushing my teeth, I comb my hair forcing the unruly purple threads into something more presentable. If Kaneki was here, he would probably lie and say that my hair didn't look that bad.

I shake my thoughts of Kaneki out of my head. He's been popping up in there a lot more lately, I guess his absence is a bit more noticeable than what I thought.

That's what I tell myself at least.

I pick my phone and type in the only 10 digits I punch in enough times to memorize them and put the phone up to my ear. It rings a few times before she answers.

"Hello?"

"Hey Yoriko, it's Touka."

There's a laugh on the other end. "I know, caller ID silly." She giggles again. Now that I think about it, Yoriko giggles almost every time I talk to her. "What's up?"

"I'm all caught up on my school work and it's my day off from work, so since we're not in school, I was thinking we could hang out just you and me. It's been such a long time since we did anything together just for fun."

"Yes it has been ages and I would love to go but I can't."

The bubbly happy feeling dies in my chest. "What? Why?"

She sounds forlorn. "I'm not actually in Tokyo right now, I'm out of town visiting family."

I breathe in deeply and exhale deeply. "That's okay, I know you don't really want to hangout with me anyway." I say just to mess with her.

"That's not true!" She exclaims.

I laugh and we have a long talk about how lame her family is and what some of our classmates are doing. She mentions Kaneki a few times though and it's strange because I get a slight chill from hearing her say his name. Probably because I associate him with my life as a Ghoul and I don't want her finding out about it so I try to keep it vague.

Yeah, that's why I feel this way every time I think about him looking at me with the eye that's not covered.

We talk on the phone for a few more hours before her mother pulls her away for "family bonding". We say our goodbyes and I hang up the phone.

"Family bonding huh?" I say out loud alone in my room. "I can only imagine how well that would go over with Ayato." I let out a dry laugh to myself as I check the time.

4:00 pm

I must have woken up much later than I thought I did. Dressing myself, I decide to go find Hinami as I haven't been able to spend much time with her either. I really need to work on not neglecting my friends.

 ** _-000-_**

She's not in the apartment we've been sharing since her parents passed. The bird she loves so much squawks at me as I pass through the living room. I stop at the doorway and briefly consider doing away with the vile thing but decide against it considering Hinami has already lost enough.

I go downstairs and it looks as though business at Anteiku is in full swing. The cafe is filled with Ghouls and Humans alike sipping coffee and laughing, smiling, and looking like they're having genuinely happy conversations.

I spot Hinami at one of the tables with her nose in a book. She looks just like Kaneki when he used to come here with his human friend all the time. I stride over and slide into the seat across from her. She looks up in surprise at me but then she relaxes when she sees who it is.

"Oh, you're up."

I raise an eyebrow at her. "Why do you sound so disappointed about that?"

She laughs and it makes me feel a little better. "Sorry, I've just been so wrapped up in Takatsuki's new novel. It's called Nova Light and it is so good, I know that Onii-san will love it!"

I smile a little but it fades when I remember who her "Onii-san" is.

"He'll come back soon and when he does I'll be prepared to have an intellectual discussion with him about it!" She smiles so hard I'm sure that it hurts her.

I don't smile, don't speak. I just stare at the innocence in the little child before me. She buries her nose back into her book, studying for a test that may never come. I can't stand there and watch her anymore. I stand from the table, seething.

I feel my kagune and my Kakugan reacting to my emotional state. I want her hurt someone right now, I want to tear apart his limbs for making her wait. For changing all our lives and then walking away without ever looking back. I want to rage.

All of a sudden, I feel someone grab me and I prepare myself for battle.

"Get yourself together!" I hear Nishiki whispered quickly into my ear. "Your Kakugan is showing and there are humans in here right now!"

Sure enough, a few of the patrons I don't recognize are looking over at us with questioning looks on their faces. I can't tell if my Kakugan is still showing but I assume it is because Nishiki tells me to close my eyes and drags me to the back.

"What is up with you? If you need to eat, get something and calm yourself down!" He chastises me and angrily storms back into the front area.

My hands are shaking and my forehead is sweaty and I'm hot and cold all over. My head is pounding and I don't know own why, all I know is a second ago I was discussing my plans for the day with Hinami and then Nishiki is dragging me into the back so I don't expose my Kakugan.

"Is everything alright Touka?"

I whip around to see the Manager standing behind me with a semi-worried expression on his face. My checks turn especially warm and I turn away from him. "I'm fine," I lie.

There's a long pause in which I'm sure he's trying to figure out why I'm lying to him. "Touka, what's wrong? You can tell me anything."

I consider telling him about Hinami but I decide against it. "I'm fine sir, is there any way I could pick up a few hours today?" I need a distraction to help me get myself together, work seems like the perfect one.

"Hmm," is his first response. "I think your day off would be better spent relaxing."

I look up at him and my mouth drops open, staring at the jovial expression he somehow always wears. "You have been working so hard since our encounter with the Aogiri tree and I'm starting to see a negative effect it's taking on you. I don't think you working overtime today will help that."

Normally, anyone who tries to tell me what to do would have been impaled with so many shards by now they would be able to breathe comfortably. But since it's the Manager, I blow off the anger in a another way.

"Ugh!" I exclaim and storm out of the room and out the front door.

I slam it behind me and keep going, not sure where my feelings and lack of understanding them will take me.

 ** _-000-_**

I don't know exactly how long I've been gone but it's dark now. The sun has left and the moon is the only thing keeping me company in the deserted park right now. Well, that and the thoughts I keep having of Kaneki.

At first they were kind of random, a sight here, a sound there, a smell everywhere. I even thought that I saw him walking up and down the streets. It turned out to be someone with a slightly similar jacket as him.

After that came the fantasies. The first I distinctly remember was what he was probably doing right now. I imagined him in a fighting position, Kagune poised to strike, his mask covering his entire face except his one ghoul Kakugan.

There many after that, too many to count. Most of them were just imagining what he was doing right this moment. The few the weren't were more like wet dreams I guess you could say. There was a lot of soft speech and more intimacy than I'd care to admit. All those thoughts pointed to one logical conclusion which was really quite simple once I'd thought about it enough: I had developed feelings for Ken Kaneki.

Every time I thought the words in my head, I got dizzy and nauseous. These were signs enough that maybe it wasn't true, that maybe there was still some type of hope for me. But no matter what I told myself, no matter how I reasoned it in my mind, along with that sick strange darkness, was just a little warmth. Just a little of the emotion I've learned as love and because of that, I can't deny it.

"I miss you," I whisper to the park, imagining me and Kaneki living happily together, like Jack and Sally. "I miss you Ken Kaneki."

 ** _-000-_**

On one of the buildings high up above Touka, a figure stood watch over her. The figure had changed very much in the short period of time following the last time he'd seen Touka but there was some things that never changed, like the feeling in his heart when he thought of her.

The figure smiled, having been the only one to hear her words. "Don't worry Touka," the figure whispered to himself. "You can always find me."

With that, the figure focused on his task. The faster he finished it, the faster he could run into her loving arms. He jumped down off the building into the darkness, eager to fight the monstersbetween him and his love.

 ** _-000-_**

 **Thanks for reading this guys!!! I've spent the better part of the last hour writing this because it wasn't even the idea I planned on writing today lol! I'll post the other idea I had later. I was inspired by the song _I miss you_ by _Blink 182,_ there are a few references in it if you look closely!**

 **C2: https/community/Touken-AU-Love/128582/**

 **Read, Review, Favorite!!! :)**

 ** _Dedicated to Shinichi's Lover,_**

 ** _for inspiring me to write for the TG_** ** _fandom!_**

 ** _Thanks!!!_**


	2. Home is such a lonely place

**I swear, everytime I try and write a short little one-shot and leave it open ended (THE WAY I LIKE IT!!), some random person I've never seen before comes along and writes the shortest review and I read it and then I feel an obligation to write more for that one person and it changes the entire feeling of the story!! I dont mind though, I survive off of reviews so leave as many as you can!**

 **Enjoy!!! :)**

 ** _-000-_**

They say that counting sheep is one of the best ways to help you fall asleep, but by the time I get to six hundred fifty nine sheep, I decide to call bull. I sit up wide awake and try to resist the urge to leave my soft warm bed but it's too soft and too warm. It's swallowing me slowly and I can't breathe.

Finally I jump out of it, unable to handle it anymore. I kick the bed in anger. "Stupid bed." I mutter to myself.

Looking around my room, I search for an alternative to what I'm about to do but there is none. My room is more bare than normal because of the dark so I can't really look for anything to do anyway. As I put on a hoodie, I tell myself that it's only because I can't sleep. As I pull on my shoes, I convince myself that he can't hear me. As I listen for Hinami's rhythmic breathing, I ask myself why I can't just leave my thoughts of Kaneki in the back of my mind.

I don't hear her sleeping but I never can so I take that as a sign that she is asleep. I open the door to my room with a creak and tiptoe quietly out of it. In the front room, there's a blanket draped over the bird's cage so even if it's awake, it doesn't see me. I open the door and close it back gently behind me, trying to get the feeling the are chasing me caught in the door.

No such luck.

 ** _-000-_**

There's a peaceful silence across the night time city that I'm not used to even though I've done this far too many times to count. It sounds like darkness with the muffled sounds of a city still existing. A car driving here, a door opening there, footsteps upon footsteps my ghoul hearing picks up everywhere.

This all started after my outburst in Anteiku two weeks ago. The Manager had a little talk with me the next day when I showed up for work. He felt that I was working too hard without having a break, between work and school he felt that I didn't have enough time any type of relaxation so he basically forced me on a stay at home vacation.

Of course he prevented me from working during a time where Yoriko was busy with balancing her new job and school like I am, or like I was. So everyday after school I've been coming home and trying to spend more time with Hinami and that hasn't been going well. As it turns out, besides being orphaned ghouls and having a fondness for a certain idiotic half-ghoul, we don't really have too much in common.

She spends most of the time I'm in school and after reading and teaching herself to write and that's not a bad thing at all but she doesn't spend anytime just being a kid frolicking or whatever. Any time that she's not doing that, she's either playing with that demon bird or she's at Anteiku with everyone else, the only place I'd rather not be right now.

With my options of home entertainment exhausted, I was putting all my effort into not thinking about Kaneki which didn't help at all. I ended up spending all of my waking moments thinking about him, imagining us being together and being together if you know what I mean. I didn't do the immature things that most teenage girls do when they're in love. I wasn't writing Touka Ken with little hearts around it all over notebooks or anything cliche like that, but I mind as well have been doing it in my mind.

The first night The Manager exiled me to vacation I couldn't sleep, so I put on some warm clothes much like I did tonight and I went for a walk. That wasn't the only night I did so either. The night after that I stole away into the night, away from the walls of my house that I got sick or looking at. Each night I wasn't quite sure exactly what my destination was but I think somehow, subconsciously, I knew.

Every night I found myself in the same place as if somehow, it were drawing me to itself. There was nothing wrong with that place though, it was bursting with people during the day but it was quiet during the night and that's all I needed. A quiet place that I could think clearly and whisper to myself the things I had been scared to think all day.

When I walk into the park this time, I'm not alone. There's a man jogging through the park with earbuds on and a bottle of water in his hand. He's jogging toward me as I sit on my normal bench and sits down on the bench for a break at the same time I do. I glare at him intently willing him to leave but he only drinks his water like it's trying to run away from him.

After he finishes guzzling his water, he looks over at me with surprise. He almost spits out his water. "Oh, hi! I'm sorry, I didn't notice that there was someone sitting next to me."

I nod to him and look away, waiting for him to leave.

"What's a little lady like you doing out this late at night, this city may seem peaceful, but it can be be quite dangerous."

I turn back to him, the expression unchanging on my face. "I could ask the same of you."

He laughs. It's not just a chuckle either, it's a full body, throw your head back kind of laugh. "Okay, I won't force you to say. Let me guess, you're having some type of boy trouble and you can't sleep so you decided to take a walk?"

I feel my eyebrows scrunch together betraying the inner feelings that I'm trying to hide. "How did you know?"

He stands up without answering at first. "There aren't many reasons why someone of your age would be out just to come sit on a bench. Most of the reasons concern matters of the heart, but other reasons include ditching your group of friends because they aren't really your friends and considering your cold demeanor, you probably don't have many of those. Don't worry I'm in the same boat as you're in regarding both situations."

"You're in love with a girl that isn't around to notice you?"

He does his full body laugh again, I'm starting to think that's the only laugh he can do. "Yeah, something like that." He starts stretching again while I ponder all the things he has said. "Let me give you some free advice, if your feelings for him are going to make you lose sleep at night and meet random wise strangers at the park, make sure he is worth it."

He is, I know he is. I give him a questioning glance. "Is she worth it?"

He smiles without laughing this time. "I'm here at the park aren't I?" Without waiting for my response, he begins his jog again.

Once he's completely out of sight, I look around to see if there's anyone else hiding in the shadows. After I've confirmed that there's no one around, I do what I came here to do. I sit up on the edge of the bench with my hands squeezing the life out of each other and eyes staring at the ground. I take in a deep breath and whisper quietly in a weak voice.

"Kaneki,"

A gust of wind that seemingly comes from nowhere, blows through the park and causes the swing set to move and squeak. Besides the sound of my own voice, it's the only thing a hear. The cars have stopped, the sirens and horns cease. There is nothing separating my gentle words and what I imagine is his listening ear.

After a few more seconds of squeaking swings, I continue. Maybe it's just the fact that I fantasize about actually telling him these words that makes this feel so right, that makes me feel so close to him. Every night for the past two weeks, I let him hear words pinging around my brain, I feel him hear them. I make them reach his heart because it's too painful imagining that they won't.

It's too painful imagining that they don't.

"Kaneki, please come back to us soon, this universe feels so empty without you."

I have nothing else to say, everything that I wanted to tell him has been told and I feel more free than I have in a long time. At least, that's how I feel before someone calls out to me.

"Onee-chan."

I turn around so quick the world is still blurry and gray before I can focus my eyes. The first thing I notice is her brown hair, then the rest of her features come into focus. I release the breath I've been holding and whisper her name as if I'm still speaking with Kaneki. "Hinami."

She, being the little girl she is, skips over to me like it's normal for us to meet each other at the park in the dead of night.

"What are you doing here?" I ask her.

"I followed onee-chan here."

"Hinami, you can't just leave in the middle of the night like this."

"Why not?" She pouts "You do it every night and I can't sleep if you're not there!" She was serious and a little upset before but now her facial features have become soft and they have made her look like the little kid I remember. "Onii-san already left and now onee-chan,..." She sobs a little and tries to wipe up her tears with her little hands.

I didn't think that she knew I was gone every night much less that she would care enough that she couldn't sleep without me there.

Sigh. "Come on sit down next to me." I gesture to the seat next to me and she plops herself down on it. I put my arm around her and continue. "I'm sorry, I've been so caught up with thinking about all my problems I've been forgetting about you. I promise that I won't do that again."

She hiccups from her tears. "But onii-san…."

"Don't worry about him, he went to fight the Doves that hurt us. He had to leave because he didn't want them to find us with him. He's protecting us."

"I miss him." She says simply.

With those simple words, she has dredged up so many different emotions that I can't control which one I feel at any time. I remember when I first told him that I missed him. I push those feelings down so I can concentrate on Hinami.

"Do you miss onii-san?"

I push down a swell of emotion. "Yes," I choke out. "Yes I do."

It's quiet for a moment while we both get our feelings under control. I can't believe how my feelings for Kaneki have affected Hinami, I have to be much more careful. Just because she spends all her time reading, doesn't mean she doesn't need me.

"When will onii-san come back to us?"

I had a feeling she would ask that question and I've been preparing myself for it but I still don't have an answer. "I don't know." plain and simple, I don't know. Then an idea pops into my head. "We have to help him though."

"Help him? But how?" She asked incredulously.

"You and I can't fight the Doves, but we can help him by giving him something to fight for. We can make a home full of people for him to come back to after he's finished fighting, that will really make him happy." I look down at her face to gauge her reaction.

She smiles back at me but it looks like a sad smile. It's a smile that says, it's okay, I know you don't know everything, but I will wait here for him with you until the end of eternity.

"That's all I need." She said.

 ** _-000-_**

The figure watched them from the shadows with longing. Aching to gather Hinami in his arms, lusting for Touka's sweet scent to fill his nostrils, eager to be with his family once again. He watched her for so long, listening to her words with his ghoul hearing and carefully protecting her from danger.

No more! He thinks to himself. No more! I can't take it anymore!

He begins to step out of the shadows but it's too late, his moment has passed. His chance is gone. They both are standing now, hand in hand, walking away from that bench, away from this moment.

Away from his moment.

He watches them go with sadness but relief. They are okay, they will live on.

"Soon touka," He said to himself. "Soon I will fill your universe to the brim and beyond." The figure then slinked off into the night, solemnly and gravely, but with just a little more hope and determination in his eyes.

 ** _-000-_**

 **So yeah, im turnin this into a whole multi chapter fic. I know that it's really gloomy right now but it will get more and more fluffy by the end so stay tuned!!**

 **This chapter is slightly based on the song _Home is such a lonely place_ by _Blink 182,_ I played in in the backround on a loop as I wrote this chapter lol!**

 **Read, Review, Follow, Favorite!!! :)**


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